Intersecting Paths . . . The Flagger

“No man or woman proceeds alone.

All of us are largely the products of the lives which touch upon our lives.”

- Gordon B. Hinckley

            Along this journey we call life, we cross paths with many different people. Some pass by unnoticed; others kicking up a cloud of dust, and others leave a lasting impression. During those difficult teenage years, my path intersected with three individuals who truly changed the course of my life . . . the flagger – who warned of the slippery conditions on the road I was traveling and offered directions to a safer route; the co-pilot – who helped me stay the course and stay true to myself as we journeyed together; and the billboard – who provided hope for the future like the billboards for Wall Drug along the never-ending barren roads of eastern South Dakota. These individuals each played a unique and distinctive role in my life and our intersecting paths were not coincidental.  

PART 1 – THE FLAGGER

           With the foundation my parents had laid for me, I entered high school with a firm moral conviction to abstain from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and sex. My friend bet me $20 that I’d drink alcohol during my four years in high school. I accepted the bet, knowing that I would be the victor. High school, however, proved to be more challenging than I anticipated. I had finally blossomed from the ugly duckling, awkward tomboy to a girl with curves who could turn a few heads. I was no longer just “Neil’s sister” to his senior friends – they smiled at me, flirted with me, and paid me compliments. Yet, I was an insecure teenage girl who felt lost, longing to belong, and be a part of the group. Consequently, I purposefully put myself in various situations that tested my moral convictions.

. . . to this

From this . . .

Reading through my journal from that year makes me cringe – if I could go back and visit the younger version of me, I would tell her, “Be yourself – beautiful, imperfect you. Your worth is not determined by your outward appearance, but rather your heart.” But alas, I cannot. Entries of my interactions with the various boys I liked, the fun I had, who I hung out with, and my weekend activities fill the pages of my journal with infrequent snippets about my family and feelings. There is a sadness and hollowness in my writing. I was always looking for a good time and someone to hang out with. I lacked confidence in myself – not really knowing who I was, but trying to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be. I had dark thoughts about myself from time to time, thinking that no one liked me and contemplating anorexia and bulimia as a means to be thinner like my friends (I wish now I was as “fat” as I thought I was then). I had a large group of friends from freshmen to seniors and yet, I often felt alone.

Unbeknownst to my parents, I attended parties where drugs and alcohol prevailed. I tried to relax and have a good time, but panic raced through me at the thought of getting caught and disappointing my parents. Although, I never engaged in any illegal or immoral activity, I found myself in a turbulent sea, struggling to tread water while holding fast to my morals. I was the target of a few senior girls who sought to get me high. One of my friends had a pregnancy scare at the tender age of 15; another’s reputation was ruined when she broke up with her boyfriend, another confided her suicidal thoughts to me, and others were experimenting with drugs. I continued in my naïve ways – attending parties, playing poker, giving back rubs, seeking the attention of any good looking boy in hopes that his acceptance would grant me a feeling of validity.

At the end of the school year, my friend and I attended a party off some back-country road. At the party, another friend, Matt (a senior), came to me, put his arm around me and asked, “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here. This is not where you belong.” He proceeded to tell me of my future – being selected for National Honor Society as a sophomore, graduating with Honors, college, the man I would marry . . . I nervously smiled at him, but his words rang true somewhere deep within. That moment was cut short as we thought we heard sirens. Fear enveloped me, and for the first time I realized that I could lose it all (in Iowa, regardless of whether you are drinking or not, you are guilty by association). I could lose my place on the dance team, my position as Class President, any hope of being selected for the National Honor Society; I could lose the trust of my parents. Matt offered to escort me from the party scene, fleeing on foot if necessary. Fortunately, it was a false alarm. Wanting to leave, I searched for my friend and found her sipping a beer. I stood, open mouthed, and in a state of shock, feeling disheartened and partially responsible as I stared at her. My friend, who had pledged with me not to drink alcohol, had succumbed to the pressure. I tried to get her to leave with me, but she wouldn’t. Realizing that I would have to stand alone, I caught a ride with another friend, said goodbye to the party scene, and never looked back. Matt had offered a peek of what my future held and I knew had to change my ways to attain it.

That was a turning point for me. The next entry in my journal (following the events from that night at the party), I wrote at a church camp. It reads, “I know that Christ died for me and my sins. That is the greatest gift I have ever been given – repentance. I hope to better my life and the lives of all those around me. . .” It concludes with my re-dedication to remain a virgin until I marry and to refrain from drugs and alcohol. Matt intersected my path at a pivotal point, questioning my actions and offering a glimpse of my future. I doubt he recalls the events of that night, but the concern and care he showed towards me are forever etched upon my heart. He was the flagger on that gravel road who warned of the potential dangers ahead and offered directions to a better road that would take me where I wanted to go. To Matt and all the flaggers out there - thank you! I'm grateful our paths intersected when they did.

Who was the flagger on your journey - intersecting your life at a crucial point? Did you give heed to his/her directions? How has your life changed?