DECISIONS . . .

            “Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
            The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
            Alice: I don't much care where.
            The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.”
                        ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

          I spent two weeks in Europe the summer before my senior year. It was an incredible, life-changing experience. Opened to a whole new world beyond small town Iowa, I was overcome with the beauty and rich history of France, Italy, and Spain. A longing to see the world, spread my wings, and fly filled my soul – drowning out my childhood reverie of living next-door to my parents. Upon returning home, the decision of college lay before me. Where did I want to go? Life was waiting for me just beyond the rolling hills and cornfields, but how would I get there? It was at this juncture in my life, that I learned a valuable lesson in decision making.

            The process of selecting a college was more difficult than I had anticipated. I felt like Alice, I just wanted someone to tell me where I was supposed to go. I prayed several times for God to tell me where I should go, but He didn’t. My parents outlined a few parameters to assist me in the process of selecting an out-of-state college. However, not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life (other than help people), proved to be a hindrance. After researching my options via the internet, I finally settled on a university out west. Ignoring the wisdom of my parents, I only applied to one university. Not only was I accepted, but they offered me a full-tuition scholarship. I was thrilled with the exciting prospects of my future. However, I had not prayed to seek confirmation with my decision (a doctrinal principle of my faith). I was flying solo on what I thought was the best option for me.

            Fast forward to spring break of my senior year and a campus visit to my selected school. I walked away from the campus tour feeling deflated, like I had been deceived by the school’s webpage or rather that I hadn’t done my homework on the university. Call it intuition or the prompting of the Holy Spirit, but I had the distinct impression that this was NOT the school for me. Fortunately, my parents trusted my budding intuitive skills and didn’t gloat in their “being right” about applying to other schools. Rather, they offered to drive me to another university a few hours away. Talk about the pendulum’s swing! As I toured campus B, peace replaced the uncertainty I had felt earlier. I could envision myself as a student here crossing the grassy quad under the towering trees with the majestic mountains in the distance. There was a stirring in my soul. I knew this was the school for me. My parents whole-heartedly agreed.

           I went home determined to do whatever it took to get a scholarship. Unfortunately, even with my best efforts, I couldn’t turn back the hands of time. Simply put, I had missed the scholarship deadlines because of my own foolish pride and stubbornness. I thought of the divine counsel given to Oliver Cowdery in 1829 and saw its application in my own life:

“. . .  you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. [But] you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong . . .” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9)

            I immediately recognized the error of my ways. God has given each one of us the gift of agency (to choose for ourselves) and He will not interfere with that. However, our Heavenly Father expects us to do our part – to study things out, weigh the consequences, and consult with trusted individuals. Then, we make a decision and ask our Heavenly Father if it is right. He will answer and provide the needed guidance we are seeking.

             With the impending decision before me (University A- that felt wrong but offered a scholarship vs. University B – that felt right but no scholarship), I followed the pattern of decision-making I had been taught.  I weighed the options, talked it over with my parents, and prayed. Ultimately, I chose to forgo my full-tuition scholarship to attend the school I knew was right for me – university B. I’m sure it didn’t make sense to very many people. It certainly wasn’t the logical thing to do, but it was the right decision for me. My Heavenly Father confirmed that to me time and time again with a feeling of peace.

            I finished my senior year achieving the numerous goals I had set for myself – graduating at the top of my class with Honors, speaking at the ceremony, and even receiving a few local scholarships. It was a season of change as we (my friends and I) each went our own ways in preparation for the future, but I was filled with peace. I had learned the importance of counseling with my Heavenly Father regarding decisions. His love and assurance filled me with confidence as I prepared to take the next step in my life. Finally, August rolled around. I said my goodbyes, shed a few tears, and took a deep breath. I was leaving the only life I had ever known having lived in the same house, same town my entire life. I climbed into the backseat, tears streaming down my cheeks, and clutching a pillow. As we drove off into the sunset, I looked back and said goodbye to the life I had known. I turned my gaze forward, squared my shoulders, dried my tears, and pictured the life before me just beyond the setting sun . . .

            What lessons have you gleaned as you’ve made decisions? Do you follow a similar pattern of decision making?