Intersecting paths . . . the billboard

“Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul 
And sings the tune without the words 
And never stops at all.” 
― Emily Dickinson

 PART 3 - THE BILLBOARD

      Life can sometimes feel like a road trip through a barren wasteland – the scenery the same as the previous 100 miles – lifeless, desolate, bleak, and lonely. That is, until you see a billboard promising something better ahead. Hope replaces despair and suddenly the miles don’t seem so long nor the journey endless. During my senior year in high school, I felt as though I was on such a journey with countless mile markers of boys who left me wondering where all the good men were – the ones who would actually ask a girl on date, open doors, remember the little details of conversations, and one who would like me for me. I was feeling rather hopeless with my future prospects, until I came upon a billboard that provided the hope I needed and changed my life for the better

            I was standing in the hall at church when I first saw the billboard (in the form of a man). He was holding a sleeping baby in his arms. My heart sank initially at the thought of him being married, but that quickly changed as I was introduced to Tyler by his brother. We talked easily for quite some time about our lives and plans for the future – he was preparing to serve a mission for our church and I was preparing to attend college. His brother said Tyler was going to be in Iowa for three weeks and suggested that we get together. I agreed to the idea. As we walked out of the church together Tyler opened the door for me with his niece in his arms. I drove home with a perm-a-grin on my face, feeling excited and hopeful for the future. With a new vigor for life, I brushed the dust off my journal and wrote about the boy I had met.

            Our first date was a carbon copy of what I had been longing for in a date. Tyler came to the door, no honking from his car for me to come out to him. He took the time to meet and talk with my parents, an unheard of concept among my peers. Such thoughtful actions continued as he opened the car door for me and pulled out the chair at the table before I sat down. Throughout the evening we talked without pretense. Because of the way he treated me, insecurities melted away and I was completely at ease with him. I wrote the following in my journal that night:

“On the drive home, Tyler told me that when he first met me, he thought I was     

  confident and very friendly. He was also happy that I wasn’t a ditz – as he had            

  met pretty girls before who were ditzy and that just turned him off . . . He said he      

  wished more guys would look to what’s on the inside rather than just looks when   

  it came to girls.” (Given my insecurities with my appearance – this was a huge       

  boost for me) . . . “He even walked me to my front door. I’ve never been walked  

  to my own front door! We stood in the cold and talked about seeing each other 

  again – maybe this Saturday. Then he gave me a hug and told me he had had a            

  great time and he was happy to have met me . . . He is everything I’ve been          

  looking for in a guy.”  (Kristen’s Journal – February 14, 2001)

            We spent time together off and on for the next few weeks – hanging out with my family, attending church meetings and activities, and talking on the phone. Each time was a continuation of our first date. He was a perfect gentleman each and every time and made me feel valued and worthwhile; filling a void I’m not sure I completely knew existed. I recorded the following in my journal:

            “When I’m around Tyler – it’s just so comfortable and natural, like I’ve known

             him forever. He makes me want to be a better person. He brightens my day. He

             has done so many wonderful things for me – I’ve started writing in this journal 

             again and my mom and I are closer than we’ve ever been before. I thank the Lord  

             everyday that he was brought into my life.”  (Kristen’s Journal – February 21, 2001)

            Our time together ended far too quickly as Tyler left to go back home. We talked for some time and decided to draw the line at friendship as Tyler was preparing to serve a two-year mission, putting his life and studies on hold to preach the word of God. He wanted to be the best possible missionary and didn’t want to be distracted by a girl back in the states. I respected and even admired his decision, but it still hurt. I had finally found someone who met my criteria and inspired me to be better and now he was leaving for two years. He wrapped me in a hug and left me with a letter. In part it read:

            “I’m glad I got to meet you. You are an awesome girl . . .  and very talented. You

            will bless many people. Just don’t try to do it all . . . You will meet tons of

            awesome guys [in college]. Just make sure they treat you like you deserve to be 

            treated . . . Good luck and take care of yourself. I wish you the best!”

 Our friendship continued over the next two years. We wrote back and forth while he served his mission – sharing scriptures and life experiences. His letters served as billboards along the way, offering encouragement, “Be a good example like you always have been. You have amazing potential and are very talented. Don’t be afraid to use those blessings. Be strong. Keep the faith. Study hard. Relax. Smile and be happy!” His letters came when I needed an extra boost and helped me to keep pressing forward.

            Tyler served as a billboard on the barren dating road of my teenage years. He set the bar for the kind of man I wanted to marry. Because of his example, I rewrote the standards for my future spouse and created my own list of traits, talents and skills I wanted to have to be worthy of such a man. When I considered dating someone in college, I would compare them to Tyler. If he didn’t measure up, I didn’t pursue a relationship further. After meeting Tyler, I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less. I’m happy to report that I didn’t settle. Tyler was right, I met some awesome guys in college . . . one who not only fit the list, but surpassed it in every way imaginable - he became my husband.

            Tyler, I may have been just another mile marker in your life, but you were the billboard in mine – promising of a brighter future than I had ever imagined for myself. Your example and friendship lead me on a path to self-discovery as I sought to become the woman God intended me to be. In doing so, I not only found myself but the man who completes me and makes me whole (my husband). I know that our paths were meant to intersect when they did and that God had a hand in it. I am better for having known you. Thank you.

            Who served as a billboard in your life? How has your life changed?

           

Intersecting Paths . . . the co-pilot

PART 2 - THE CO-PILOT

“Friends are angels sent down to Earth to make good days
      and help us find our way.”   -Unknown

With the lessons I had gleaned from my freshman year and a spiritual awakening, I set a course that would lead me to achieve my goals and make my dreams a reality. I threw myself (heart and soul) into scholastic studies, various clubs, and organizations. I was fortunate to recruit a co-pilot (Sandi), who rode “shotgun,” on the road trip of high school. She helped me stay the course while making me a better driver. Sandi read the map, passed the snacks, pointed out the signs ahead, selected the music and most importantly, traded off driving when fatigue set in.

I had known Sandi since kindergarten and our friendship waxed and waned over the years. During our sophomore year, however, our friendship waxed incredibly strong when our paths intersected again. We had a few classes together and were on the dance team, spending many hours together each week. We shared common interests, similar dreams, and even the same moral convictions to abstain from alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and sex. As our friends chose alternate paths, we became each other’s weekend plans. We spent countless hours cruising around our small town with the music cranked up and singing at the top of our lungs; we braved all kinds of weather to attend the football and basketball games – dressing crazy and cheering wildly; and we spent many nights watching our favorite parts of movies again and again. “We were like peas and carrots, Sandi and me,” (said like Forrest Gump). There was never that jealousy issue that often plagues friendships with girls.

            What distinguished our friendship?  We could be our true selves – imperfect, flawed, and sometimes emotional - confiding in one another our hopes and dreams, as well as, our shortcomings and frailties. Sandi and I talked about anything and everything from religion and God to stupid boys and our future husbands. We celebrated each other’s achievements and successes with genuine joy and admiration. Sandi helped me memorize my lines for the school play. I was her number one fan for volleyball and softball – making her posters and cheering her on. Sandi surprised me by coming to my State Speech competition. I purposefully tripped getting off the ski lift to get the name of the cute ski patrol guy for her. Sandi understood my crazy over-achieving, perfectionist tendencies and kept me sane by cracking jokes and telling me to “lighten up” when needed. In turn, I understood her insecurities and helped build her confidence. I can’t recall a single fight between us. I’m sure we got frustrated with each other from time to time, but we always resolved it. We brought out the best in each other and helped each other achieve our dreams.

    We understood the importance of hard work and dedication. Sandi and I served together in the class presidency planning and organizing prom; we were members of the National Honor Society and spent many hours rendering service; we took upon ourselves a rather large art project, painting the elementary school library (and each other); we were selected for the All Iowa Honor Drill Team; and we both graduated with Honors. We achieved great things with each other’s support and encouragement. Sandi and I also knew how to have good, clean fun. One time, we conspired against some boys (with the help of the principal and 3 other friends) to dump buckets of water on them from the school’s roof. The end result was not what we intended. We ended up dangling by our feet over the toilets in the boys’ locker room with the threat of swirlies. Fortunate for us, the football coach walked in at that exact moment and told the boys to put us down. We beat each other up in Chemistry, had food fights, nicknames for each other (SPF and Krusten), shared numerous inside jokes, double-dated and laughed . . . a lot.

            Sandi was the co-pilot who helped me navigate through the vulnerable teenage years. She brought out the best in me and encouraged me to “always follow my heart.”  Even though we have been separated by thousands of miles for many years, we can still pick up where we left off without that awkward silence. We have seen each other through difficult times with the lending of a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and offering words of comfort. We have also shared some of life’s sweetest moments with happy tears, hugs, and expressions of love. Sandi is truly an angel sent from God. I credit much of who I am today to her example and our friendship. I am better because of her. Although we each have a new best friend in our husbands, the “shotgun” seat of my adolescence bears the honorable name of an unfailing friend – Sandi. Thanks beautiful girl! I love you!

            Have you been blessed with such a friendship that spans time, distance, and life’s circumstances? How has your life changed because of it? Do you still keep in touch with that friend?